Fish Out of Water

Eh.....

Winter is starting. It's dark really early at night. I've had a cold for like ever. I'm sinking into the winter blahs. Also I realized I haven't taken a vacation in a couple of years really - I used up all my paid vacation time on maternity leave at my old job, and before that, I went on a 10-day trip to California while 7 months pregnant, so that really wasn't a full-blown vacation. I haven't had time to just relax in so long. I'm feeling a little tired.

But everything is fine, everyone is good. I'm sitting in my dining room, looking at a beautiful fire in the wood stove, hanging out with my husband, while the girls sleep soundly upstairs. There's really nothing to complain about. But nothing going on either.

Just lumping along.....

In one of the Winnie the Pooh stories, Winnie the Pooh asks Christopher Robin what he's doing and Christopher Robin says, "Just lumping along." That's how I've been lately. Just lumping along. Doing fine, just getting through each day. Work has been crazy - still great, but crazy. Lots of long hours this week. My husband and I went to a fancy dinner on Monday night to belatedly celebrate our anniversary and while we had an incredible dinner, we did end up with what the French call "crise de foie." Literally translated, it means "crisis of the liver." It means grody upset stomach! My husband spent much of yesterday in bed. I did go to work but felt awfully pukey for most of the day. Too bad, because the meal was outstanding. Oh well.

Today my husband had to pick up the baby early at day care because she had a 102 degree fever. He'll be staying home with her tomorrow. My theory is that she has a tooth coming in, and also she has a horrible cold. She's pretty uncomfortable. Poor sweetie!

This weekend we are supposed to be taking them to a Halloween thing for kids so hopefully she'll be able to go. Then on Sunday some friends are having a naming for their one-month-old baby girl. I hope we can go to that too.

Not much else to say. Just lumping along.

The end of summer, and other things too

I have really not gotten used to the phenomenon of summer as an adult. I think it is unfair that kids and college students have all summer to recharge and relax, and grownups have to keep working constantly with no break. I am now kicking myself for not deciding to go into teaching as a profession. That summer off rocks. Also since I used up all my vacation time on maternity leave earlier this year, we do not have any kind of family vacation planned for this year at all. We are exhausted. I'm not sure when we're going to be able to go away next, because we are currently both looking for new jobs, so who knows what we'll get at our respective new places of employment.

This whole working-full-time-with-two-small-kids thing is sometimes harder than I expected it to be. I don't like not being able to pick up my daughter at 3pm when all the other kids are going home from school. It reminds me of how sad I was at age 6 when my mom started working full-time. Now of course I had gotten used to having her home with me for six years - my girls have never known any other way except for me working all the time - but still, it feels like a really big sacrifice. For all of us. Sometimes I curse the day that I was born in a country founded by hard-working Puritans. Why couldn't I have been born in a country where vacation is so sacred that most people get six weeks vacation - TO START. (Yeah, that's France.) Or a country where women are guaranteed three years of maternity leave and their job back afterward. (Yeah, that's Germany. Of course their economy sucks, so that might not be the best strategy for supporting growth and healthy economic development.) I do like to work hard, and I often make fun of those lazy Europeans, but you know, sometimes it seems like they have their priorities in better order than we do. I'm not saying I am sitting at work pining for my kids, wishing I could stay home, but I would like some better balance in my life. Someday. So that's why I'm looking for a new job. I need to make more money and do something I enjoy more, and I am sure everything else will follow. Somehow. Also I am in a rut and I need to get out. So that is that.

In other news, my baby girl is six and a half months old, and I've lost all but 2 and a half pounds of the baby weight. I am feeling pretty good about that! The next thing is to lose the 25 pounds I gained between having the two girls. And start running again. Too bad I'm just thinking of that now, right before it starts to get cold outside.

My mother-in-law is coming to visit for five days next week, so she'll give us some good child care before school starts (now that camp is over, we are tag-teaming for child care. OK, everyone is but me. Because I have no vacation left), and we'll get to spend some nice time with her. I know she'll be amazed by how big the baby has gotten since she visited last - the baby was only two weeks old then! Then two days after she leaves, my sister-in-law (her daughter) comes to visit for a week. So it's going to be quite a busy couple of weeks with all these houseguests. Should be fun though. And my MIL will help clean my house which is always welcome! She's really great at it too. Unlike yours truly.

I guess I am rambling a bit tonight. Oh - I finished the Harry Potter book! Very satisfying, that's all I'll say. Now I'm reading the Mary Gordon book (check out the new list I made of books I'm reading). It is weird but good so far. I've been trying to read more and watch less TV, and it's actually working.

My husband has begun curing his own meats, so the whole refrigerator smells of bacon and sausage and pate and other interesting charcuterie. He made one regular bacon that was absolutely incredible, and now he's curing one with brown sugar. I bet it's going to be YUMMY. He also has a pate de campagne working in the fridge right now that we are going to enjoy with my parents tomorrow evening for their 37th anniversary. It is the little things in life, isn't it?

Another long blogging absence

A few weeks ago I wrote a really great post and just before I clicked on Save, my stupid wireless connection crapped out and I lost the whole thing. I was so mad I yelled at my husband (there has to be some way it was his fault), stomped out of the room, huffed off to bed, and haven't posted since. That'll show it.

So now here I am again. I really wish I hadn't lost that post because it was all about some really cute stuff my older daughter has said recently, and the great things her baby sister is doing, and stuff about how our recent changes in parenting have helped a lot (they take oodles of patience, and we sometimes succeed better than others, but it's really worth it), and now I can't remember the details enough to replace the post properly.

So instead I'll tell you about the fantastic wedding we attended this past weekend. It was my aunt's wedding and I don't think I've been to a happier celebration. I suppose I always say that about the last wedding I went to, but this one was so incredibly joyous it was almost unbelievable. It was a Jewish wedding, so there was lots of dancing in a circle and cheering and unrestrained happiness. My aunt and her new husband are both really good dancers - they both jumped on the swing dancing craze when it first started and now have some serious skillz - and their first dance as husband and wife was the most amazing first dance I think I've ever seen. And then, after that, he danced with his daughter (she's in her mid-20s, from his first marriage), so rather than stand there with nothing to do, my aunt danced with my dad, who was a worthy partner! I was amazed by that too! I had seen him dance with my mom before so I knew he was no slouch, but my aunt is incredible, so I was duly impressed that he could more than hold his own with her. I tried to dance with him at my wedding and let's just say it's a shame that our generation didn't automatically learn to dance the way our parents' generation did, because I felt like a total klunk next to him.

One of the other best parts about the wedding was that my other aunt made matching dresses for my daughters out of special hydrangea fabric that matched the wedding flowers, and my four-year-old was beside herself with joy to be wearing her dress. The photographer took some portraits of her holding her baby sister, who was also decked out in the same fabric - they even both had light pink mary janes! - and I cannot wait to see those photos.

After all that excitement, and an excruciatingly long drive home yesterday, we are all pretty exhausted. Today was a stupid day at work for me - I had no energy to be there and I hardly got anything done. My husband's car broke down before we went away and then the mechanic locked us out of it, so we have lots of irritation ahead of us tomorrow, but at least for the time being, things are quiet. The girls are asleep and I'm going to go read some more of the new Harry Potter book. Good night!

Belated Fourth of July silliness

Well the first silly thing is that I totally forgot to bring my camera to the 4th of July parade in our little town, so I didn't get to take pictures of the super cool string band that was in it! Apparently this was the first time they had ever had that, and since it was my first time going to the parade, I didn't know any different. For those of you not privileged enough to live in the Philadelphia area, I must explain. We have a curious phenomenon known as the Mummers. They are clubs of people who have string bands and march in our New Year's Day parade. My husband has happily transformed himself from a Northern Californian into the best non-native Philadelphian I know, but he still cannot wrap his head around the weirdness that is the Mummers. They get dressed up in these crazy glittery costumes, play music, and march around in a very strange manner. Here, check this out for a little more background.

I have been to the Mummers Parade once in my life, a few years ago, with my mom, and found it as odd as I thought it would be, but also weirdly fun. So when I saw the Fralinger String Band turn the corner in my little town, dressed in full Mummer regalia, I was thrilled! It was so cool! I was absolutely kicking myself for walking out without my camera. DUMB. So hopefully next year there will be something as cool that I will remember to capture.

The second silly thing was that it absolutely POURED so there were no fireworks. They got rescheduled for tomorrow night, so we'll see if we go. We did have a lovely time at a BBQ at our neighbors' house, which also happens to be the family of our 4-year-old's best friend, so that was fun. But I was super disappointed about no fireworks! We did set off some of those very dangerous home kind in our driveway, but it's just not the same thing. Fortunately no one lost a hand.

It's now Friday evening and I am exhausted as usual. Tomorrow afternoon we are going swimming at a friend's pool so that should be delightful, especially since it's going to be about 95 degrees with 95% humidity. GROSS. Plus it will be my first swim of the summer, and I want to see how much my daughter has learned in her swimming lessons at camp. I think I'm going to go downstairs now and have a nice glass of wine.

Wondering.......

I haven't been in a blogging mood much at all lately and I'm thinking about wrapping this thing up. I just don't think I have much to say anymore. Every post I start sounds the same: work is busy, family is busy, I love my girls, they are the most amazing kids ever, blah blah blah. All useful sentiments to have, but is any of it interesting for anyone to read? I'm not so sure. I've made some great friends through this blog, so I'm hesitant to let go of it because of that. But I don't want to blog just for the sake of blogging to keep in touch with people. I can email people directly..........I'm just not sure there's much left in the well. I'll keep thinking about it.

Have a great weekend everyone.

The empty head of a tired blogger

The reason I haven't posted in like forever is that I have absolutely nothing bloggish to say at all. Life is going on, as normal, and I have nothing special to say. My kids are growing, the weather is getting warmer, I am working very hard on losing the last 12 pounds of the baby weight, and my husband and I are both still working very hard.

Many days I've had fleeting thoughts of funny anecdotes I could post, but by the time I get home and sit in front of my computer, they have left my brain. The same occurs now. I thought of something really funny yesterday but it has vanished.

I think I hear the baby wondering where I am, so I'm going to go get her. Maybe tomorrow I'll have more to say! I'm sorry the life of the Fish Out of Water has gotten so watered down.

Random Thursday stuff, and getting over the embarrassment

So today I talked to that client twice. He was really nice to me on the phone. It was pretty awkward. I sure felt like a horse's ass. But we seem to be moving past it. La la la la, I hate this kind of crap..........luckily this is not a client that we do tons of work for, so I could go six months without hearing from him. So whatever. Life goes on.

I am now even more crazy at work than I was before, because now I'm deeply involved in training the woman who is going to be covering for me while I'm out on maternity leave. It's so hard to extract what I actually do from my head, and translate it into terms that another human being can understand. So much of what I do is not even understood by the other people who work at my company, so it's hard to imagine how someone who has only been there three days will be able to grasp it. But she's obviously smart and a quick learner, and I think we're going to be OK. I hope so anyway.

Today the baby was moving and moving and moving. The midwife gave me a sheet that explains how I'm supposed to count fetal movements, and be sure there are at least two active periods during each day. I don't think I need to bother with the counting, because this baby is a constant mover. I'm lucky if I get two NON-active periods during each day. She has been head-down for about two months, and for the last few weeks she's had her back on my left side, and has been kicking me hard on my right side. Sometimes she kicks so hard it hurts. That is not fun! But my daughter loves when she moves. She leans her head against my side and cuddles up with me on the couch, and whenever there's baby activity, she yells, "Oh! She moved!" That makes it so much fun!

My poor husband called me today around noon from the side of the road on I-95. He had had a tire blowout in the fast lane while going probably 85 miles an hour. Luckily it was a rear tire and he has front wheel drive, so all it did was make a loud noise and start stinking of burning rubber. He didn't have any control issues with the car. He was able to pull into a middle median and get out of all the oncoming traffic, thank goodness. He called AAA, which said they would be there in an hour and a half. Nice. So he hunkered down to wait for them and then a nice PA state trooper stopped and helped him change to the spare. And the trooper didn't even give him a ticket for having an expired registration sticker. I am so relieved that nothing bad happened. If the worst that comes out of the tire blowout is that we have a day or so of inconvenience while the car is in the shop and that we have to pay for a new tire when we weren't planning for it, I'm OK with that. The important thing is my sweet husband didn't get hurt.

Now it's time for bed! Tired pregnant lady here.

First post of the new year

I haven't posted in a while because I haven't had much to say and because I've been sick. We've been trading a bad cold back and forth in the house. We had a nice holiday but it involved each of us being sick for about a day. On Saturday some friends came over for brunch, so my husband went all out making a feast, and then after they left, he ended up spending the rest of the day in bed. I had plans with a friend that night, and I was concerned that he (my husband) would have trouble putting our daughter to bed while he felt so awful. I set her up in front of the Incredibles, and told her that when the movie ended, she should go upstairs, go potty, and tell Daddy she was ready for bed. When I got home later that evening, my husband told me she did exactly what I asked her to do! He said she came in the bedroom, said, "Daddy, I'm going to get all ready for bed for you," and then went to bed without any trouble at all. What a good girl!

Sunday my daughter and I spent the day with my mom, getting ready for New Year's Eve, while my husband was at the football game with my dad, sister and brother-in-law. They had an awesome time, and all agreed that there was no way I would have been able to climb all the steps up to their seats (in the second to last row of the upper deck!) in my present condition. I was sad to miss the game but I knew I'd be much happier at home in a chair. In fact I made the most of it by conking out on the recliner at my parents' house, and then woke up and made an apple pie. We all had dinner after they got back, and then the six of us - my parents, my sister and her husband, and my husband and I - toasted the new year at midnight and promptly fell asleep. It was a lovely way to ring in the new year.

But by the morning of the first, all three of us were snerfling and snorfling with the gross cold we all had. We got home early that afternoon and I had to take yet another nap. That night our daughter threw up. Yesterday and today she just sneezed a lot. I've been congested too, and my husband canceled a meeting today and spent most of the morning in bed before finally getting up and going out. He is still sitting over there sniffling and blowing his nose. I still have a stuffed head but I'm not sneezing as much. Our daughter seems better today but still coughing and sneezing. Will it ever end?

I am 35 weeks pregnant now, and I am absolutely enormous. My back hurts most of the time, and I'm also starting to feel a lot of pain in my thighs. The baby's movements are still pretty emphatic and sometimes they actually hurt. My belly looks like something from Alien. I have my next midwife checkup next week, and pretty much within the next two weeks, the baby will be considered full-term. According to the literature, the baby probably weighs about five pounds now, and is mostly developed. I think the kidneys and liver are fully functioning, and the lungs are close. It's like a real baby in there! Emotionally I seem to be going back and forth: either I feel like I'm going to be pregnant for the rest of my life, or I feel like the baby is coming too soon and I'm not ready. I bet that's pretty normal!

I found the old newborn clothes from our daughter and washed them last night. Boy are they tiny. I've gotten so used to having an actual KID around the house, I've totally forgotten about babies. I still need a few more things but I'm mostly ready. I guess I better put the car seat in my trunk, just in case, and start thinking about packing a suitcase. Who knows when this one will pop.

I don't really have any specific thoughts on the new year, aside from some general money-related anxiety, but that's pretty normal. I know that we are doing all the right things, all the things we both know we've been wanting to do. I know it's time for our family to expand. I know it's time for my husband to be working on building his business. I know it's time for my job to change a little so I can spend more time doing the stuff I enjoy and less time doing the stuff I don't enjoy (I hope the company can sustain the momentum and continue to grow so I can actually DO that). I know good things are going to happen. I also know these things will take hard work. I am trying to brace myself but I know it's going to be tough. I guess I'm starting off this year with lots of anticipation and a healthy dose of worry. Let's just hope the anticipation part can keep the worrying part in check.

I hope you all had a very happy new year. Thanks for visiting my blog, and I hope you stick around to see what 2007 brings.

Miscellaneous (I don't think I've used this for a title before)

Yesterday we had the honor of being part of the lovely Miss Tori's baptism and had such a wonderful day. It was incredibly special, in every way. The best part was seeing our dear friends Cecily and Charlie so happy, particularly knowing how much they've been through to get to this day. It was really priceless. And that baby of theirs, oh my goodness, so sweet and wonderful.

Saturday we went to a baby shower at a bowling alley which was a lot of fun, albeit a tad exhausting as we had to run around after our whirlwind of a child. She is also freakishly strong. At 34 pounds, she was able to lug around a six-pound bowling ball in both her arms, stagger up to the line, and dump it down the lane. In a few cases she actually knocked over some pins. It was truly adorable. She also taxed our patience as she does most days, but most of all it was fun. We are thrilled for the friends who are expecting their first baby (a little boy) and the mommy-to-be and I had fun comparing bellies and pregnant lady symptoms. Suffice it to say, we are both ready to stop being pregnant! Lucky her, she's due two months before I am.

Today was an OK day in the morning and then it got dramatically worse in the afternoon. I was remembering my friend Jeff's post on Friday about how his Thursday suddenly took a turn for the sucking, and I thought, well I guess today it's my turn. We have had a nice evening so far, with the exception of some of our standard fussing and whining, so that's nice. I'm just so tired and in need of a rest. And honestly, when I got annoyed at work, it was all I could do not to burst into tears. Hormones suck! It's been an emotional roller-coaster day. I really hope tomorrow is a little more even-keeled. I guess I'll find out.